steppingstones

soming up

2008-10-24T06:09:00.000-07:00

JUST TO SUM UP ALL THE STUFF GOING ON....IT GOES LIKE THIS......OUR HOME IS VERGING ON FORECLOSURE,NO MONEY(husband+I were.n`t on the same page),washer died,along with the dish one too,toilet cracked right down the side,NO cell phones,just got some food from family,can`t smile all the way,I just swallowed a huge chunk of my denture,our pet ferret won`t stop scratching his sore.Think I need to stop playing hooky and get back to church.Now that the Lord has my undivided attention.ALL IN ALL....EVERY THINGS O.K........BEV

NEXT HAPPENS

2008-10-23T16:09:00.000-07:00

Update Challenges---might lose are home,no money,washer died,I swallowed a huge chunk of my denture,dish washer died,mother is ill verging on death.Just to mention a few.I see....GIANTS IN THE LAND...WARRING...Just like King David-We`ll win this battle.God is on our side,and we are learning to change.NOW THE GOOD NEWS!We have somewhat health(even tho I do.n`t have teeth right now)a roof over our heads,friends,family,food.Turning our challenges into steppingstones.BEV

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! +++++++YAYAYA!!!!!!!!

2008-10-15T05:37:00.000-07:00

OH MY.......IT`S BEEN QUITE A WEEK.JONATHAN GOT A JOB,HIS GED,PRE-TEST TO THE AIR-FORCE.FEELS GOOD ABOUT ABOUT HIMSELF....I AM SO PROUD OF HIM....A MILE STONE....DAVID IS OUT THERE DOING HIS OWN THING.I HAVE A GUT FEELING ABOUT HIM.NOT GOOD.IT`S TIME FOR HIM TO MOVE ON.THERE`S A LIEN AGAINST OUR HOME,WE OWE ABOUT 7000.00 DEBT.THERE NO MONEY FOR FOOD,MEDS.SO FORTH.OUR CHECKS ARE BOUNCING A-LOT.THATS HOW WERE MANAGING.SO OUR ACCOUNT IS -OVER 200.00.ABOVE ALL THAT,I AM GRATEFUL TO THE LORD FOR ALL THAT HE HAS PROVIDED,ESPECIALLY HIS LOVE.HE IS ALL ,IN ALL+ALL+ALL.NO MATTER WHAT WHAT HAPPENS,WE`LL BE OK. I MET THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AT THE DR.OFFICE,TALK ABOUT A GOD THING.SHE WAS TRYING NOT TO CRY,THEN WE CONNECTED,SHE`S ON THE WAITING LIST FOR A LIVER TRANSPLANT AND HER MEDS WERE`NT BALANCED.WE ENDED UP SHARING,LAUGHING,SUPPORTING EACH OTHER.WHEN I GOT OUT FROM MY APPT;SHE CALLED ME OVER,I SAT QUIETLY NEXT TO HER.SHE WROTE ME THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LETTER..AND SAID HER MOTHERS NAME WAS BEVERLY AND THAT SHE WOULD DEDICATE HER NEXT PORTRAIT OF ME...WOW...WOW!I HAD NO IDEA SHE WAS AN ARTIST.I LEFT SO FULL OF LOVE FOR HER AND THE LORD. ALSO THROUGH THIS TIME OF DEBT....I HAVE BEEN DISASSOCIATING.I DONT LIKE IT WHEN I CANT FEEL.OH WELL INSPITE OF MY CIRCUMSTANCES I WILL RISE ABOVE THEM.THE LORD HAS BEEN MERCIFUL TO ME AND OUR FAMILY.ACTUALLY TO OUR WORLD. HE SAID HE WOULD SHAKE OUR WORLD UP.AND HE IS.IT`S IMPORTANT THAT HE DOES.SO WE CAN REPENT TURN OUR LIVES BACK TO HIM.THE SQUEESE IS ON. BEV

GRATEFUL

2008-10-11T08:07:00.000-07:00

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR RECOVERY YOU CARED TO KNOW MY NAME,CARED TO FEEL MY HURT DIRECT MY WONDERING HEART. WHEN I FELT LIKE A VAPOR IN THE WIND A WAVE TOSSED IN THE OCEAN YOU HEAR ME WHEN I`M CALLING,CATCH ME WHEN I`M FALLING YOU SHOWED ME WHO I AM YOU LOOKED ON ME WITH LOVE AND WATCHED ME RISE AGAIN YOU HELP CALM THE STORM IN ME WHO AM I?A CHILD OF GOD HAVING FAITH IN RECOVERY... I AM ME....WITH LOVE....BEV... P.S SOME OF THESE VERSES ARE TAKEN FROM A SONG CALLED "WHO AM I"

DOORS

2008-10-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

MY LIFE USED TO BE NOTHING BUT TURMOIL,ONE CRISES AFTER ANOTHER.I WAS FILLED WITH OVERWHELMING FEAR.WONDERING,CRASHING INTO WALLS I COULD.N`T SEE,BATTERED,WITH NO DIRECTION,PURPOSE,OR SIGNIFICANCE.MY RESOURCE'S(addictions)WERE DEPLETED.THE ENEMY WAS ME.THOSE EVENTS WERE IMPORTANT. SURRENDERING TO MY GOD,GAVE ME THE FAITH TO OPEN THE DOOR OF RECOVERY,AND TURN MY TRAUMAS INTO STEPPINGSTONES. I HELD THE KEYS ALL ALONG.

MONEY--RELATIONSHIP

2008-10-04T07:02:00.000-07:00

THE LORD IS HELPING US THROUGH A HARD TIME OF DEBT AND SUPPORTING EACH OTHER.HE`S BROUGHT ME OUT OF HELL.HE`LL BRING ME EMOTIONALLY OUT OF THIS CHALLENGE TOO.DAVID HELPED I US TO FIND SOLUTIONS AND PRIORITIES ADDRESSING THIS. RELIEF AND HOPE ARE BECOMING STRONGER.IT`S GREAT TO HAVE HIS SUPPORT.I WILL NOT LOOK TO MY FAMILY FOR MONEY.WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN LIVES.THERE IS AN END,AND A JOURNEY,FOR EACH ONE WITH GOD...THE LORD+THE HOLY SPRITE. THANK YOU FATHER FOR HEARING OUR CRY..MORE THAN THAT....FOR LOVING ME,US. LOVE YOU BEV

SAME CHAPTER

2008-09-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

THAT DOESNT TAKE AWAY MY FEELINGS...HELL NOOOO.I`M STILL ANGRY.HOPE I`LL FEEL BETTER TOMORROW.OHHH...LARRY IS GOING TO WORK EARLY SUN;HE WONT BE GOING TO CHURCH.I`M THINKING WELL I`M NOT GOING EITHER...MY GUT TELLS ME TO GO WITHOUT HIM.HE DOESNT DIRECT MY PATH,JESUS DOES.

DISAPPOINTED

2008-09-13T16:46:00.000-07:00

I`M SO UPSET, I GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN ALLOWING MY KIDS,HUSBAND,TO ABUSE ME,I ENDED UP ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE A VICTIM AGAIN. I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF FIRST BUT NO-ONE IS BEHAVING...HAHA! WHAT I AM LEARNING AT THIS POINT.....WHEN I SACRIFICE MYSELF,MY FOCUS IS ON THEM.IT`S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO LOVE MYSELF FIRST.THEY BECOME FIRST.MY MOTIVE IS TO KEEP MY RECOVERY 1st.I CANT LOVE ANYONE,IF I DONT LOVE MYSELF.

2008-09-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

THE REALIY

2008-09-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

ITS BEEN ALONG DAY..I WENT TO AN OA MEETING.ONE OF THOSE NO MATTER WHAT THINGS.HOWEVER I WAS LATE.RESPONSIBILITY WAS ONE OFTHE THINGS PEOPLE SHARED.I`M STILL THINKING ABOUT IT.COMFORT ZONES BECOMING NOT A COMFORT ZONE ANYMORE.WHATS HOLDING ME BACK,FEAR OF TAKING ON NEW RESPON....BILLS,CHILDREN RELATIONSHIPS,HUSBAND.../FOCUSE CREEPING IN ON MY BODY IMAGE...KNOWING FULL WELL WHEN I DO THAT I`M NOT DOING RECOVERY.

FRUSTRATED

2008-09-11T07:43:00.001-07:00

TODAY I AM IN PAIN.FRUSTRATED ABOUT NON-COMMUNICATION...LARRY....MY BODY IMAGE,CAN`T LOOK LIKE SUSAN LUCCI....HA..HA!JUST KIDDING.FOCUS ON MY BODY IS NOT GOOD.SINCE I AM RECOVERING FROM ED.CRAP I KNOW THE UNDERLYING ISSUES ARE RISING UP.

today

2008-09-03T12:44:00.000-07:00

BEFORE I WENT TO WORK TODAY I PRAYED THE LORD WOULD FILL ME WITH HIS COMPASSION,LOVE, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT TO RISE UP IN ME WITH WISDOM,KNOWLEDGE....TO SERVE AS HE WANTS ME TOO.PEOPLE RESPONDED TO THE PATIENCE,KINDNESS.SINCERITY I DISPLAYED FOR EACH ONE THAT CAME THROUGH MY LINE.ALL ALONG I WAS PRAYING FOR EACH ONE.ALLAN JUST LOST HIS MOTHER IN-LAW,NICOLE WAS GRIEVING.I KNOW HOW HARD SHE WAS TRYING NOT TO CRY.ANYWAY IM SO TIRED I DONT WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE,NOT EVEN LISA.BYE

getting outside myself

2008-09-01T07:16:00.000-07:00

I WONDER IS IT PRIDE THAT SOMETIMES MOTIVATES ME?SOME TIMES IT DOES.WRITING ON THE ED MESSAGE BOARD I TRY TO REACH OUT TO OTHERS,IF IT ENDS UP I AM THE ONE WHO IS DRAWING THE ATTENTION(ITS ALL ABOUT ME--+NOT THE MESSAGE)GETTING NO RESPONSE---PRIDE GETS IN THE WAY OF ME LOOKING FOR THE APPLAUSE.THAT ONLY SERVES DISAPPOINTMENT.WHEN I GREET THE LORD,WORSHIP,PRAISE,KNOWING HE IS IN ALL MY LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES AND DESTINY,BECOMING INTO THE PLACE WHERE HE IS--- ALL IS QUITE,I LISTEN TO WHAT THE SPIRIT IS SAYING......I CANT DESCRIBE THE SOUND,BUT THERE ABSOLUTELY EXISTS.IT S EVIDENCE BRINGS ME TO A PLACE WHERE I STAY CONNECTED TO HIM AND AM ABLE TO HANDEL LIFE FROM A DIFFERENT LIGHT,,,,IT GIVES ME LOVE,JOY,PEACE LONG SUFFERING,GOODNESS,GENTLENESS,MEEKNESS,FAITH,WOW!THATS THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT.ID RATHER HAVE THOSE ATTRIBUTES THAN BE FOCUSED ONLY ON MYSELF. LOVE BEV

today

2008-08-31T14:14:00.000-07:00

TODAY IV BEEN VERY LOW,WEEPY.I DONT KNOW WHY,IT KEEPS HAPPENING.I AM ON A ROLLER COASTER UP,DOWN---CRAP.MY ISSUES....LAUREN DOESNT CALL OR RESPOND TO OUR ATTEMPTS TO TALK TO HER.I KNOW I CANT OWN JONATHANS AND MY EMOTIONS.I FEEL LIKE IT FEEDS INTO REJECTION AGAIN,THEN HE SAYS SHE NEVER CALLS.AS FOR ME IT IS REJECTION TO ME.I AM NOT GUILTY ANYMORE ABOUT THE JOURNEY WE HAD TOGETHER,EVEN THO I WASNT PRESENT EMOTIONALLY I WAS USING ALCOHOL,DRUGS,MOSTLY BULIMIA.LISA SAYS LET HER COME TO YOU ON HER OWN TIME. OH WELL THATS THAT!ALSO I`M IN ALOT OF PAIN AND WEAKNESS,CONCERNED ABOUT WORK.I KNOW MY LORD JESUS IS ALL+ALL+ALL...I TRUST YOU JESUS AND RELY ON YOU-YOUR WILL.I WILL LEARN ABOUT THIS AND MOVE ONTO MY NEXT STEPPINGSTONE.....I LOVE YOU COMPLETELY,GLAD I TOOK THE TIME TO JOURNEL

GRIEVING

2008-08-27T17:57:00.000-07:00

TODAY I WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO HAD JUST LOST HER GRANDFATHER ABD MOTHER.SHE HAS YOUNG CHILDREN AND A JOB.SHE FEELS HOPLESS AND HER ED IS IN CONTROL.NEXT AT WORK ONE OF MY CUSTOMERS WAS CRYING,SHE HAD JUST LOST HER MOTHER.WITH THE LORDS HELP AND HIS HOLY SPIRIT,I WAS ABLE TO SAY...INVITE YOURSELF TO MOURN...THATS WHERE YOU NEED TO BE.i FEEL THAT aRI IS ALSO GRIEVEING HER LOST CHILDHOOD AND ALL THAT IT CONTAINS.IM SO GREATFUL TO HAVE LAURA AS MY SPONSOR,IT FEELS WONDERFUL TO HAVE HER SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE.BYE BEV

sorrow

2008-08-26T12:58:00.000-07:00

today I feel sad,angry,fed up stuck.I know i cant control what life brings my way,and i also know that this uncomfort is an internal issue prodding me to get help and find the solution.today i asked Laura to be my sponsor,and she stepped right up to the plate.a sigh of relieve.Feel a little safer...stuck in eating my rice cakes and peanutbutter,salads,fruit,some poultry.I hate the smell and look of meat.I`m willing to try something new tonight.I`m mad at Larry for god knows what.Ineed to see what he is carrying on his shoulders,and listen.I so much want to learn how to talk without me in the way.thats it for now......1st journel.8/26/08

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: COME.........TO......

2008-07-24T06:48:00.001-07:00

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: COME.........TO......

Theres more

2008-07-13T08:14:00.001-07:00

I STILL REMEMBER THOUGHTS .. THERE HAS TO BE MORE TO MY LIFE
THAN LIVING AND DYING,JUST TRYING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE
DAY.WOW!!!WHAT A SURGE OF EMOTIONS CAME WITH THAT THOUGHT.THERE WAS
LIFE BEYOND THE GRAVE??????HHHMMMMMM..MY EYES ALONE COULD`NT SEE A WAY
OUT.I WAS SLOWLY DYING.I LONGED FOR A PLACE WHERE I COULD FIND PEACE
AND REST,RELIEF FOR MY SOUL.IT CAME... WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR INVITING
RECOVERY INTO MY LIFE. I SLOWLY BEGAN TO TAKE ON NEW LIGHT,CHANGES
BEGAN TO TAKE SHAPE,TRANSFORMATION,NEW
LIFE,PURPOSE,HOPE,ACCEPTANCE,FAITH,AND MOST OF ALL
LOVE....YES!YES!...THERE IS LIFE BEYOND THE GRAVE....SO MUCH MORE
SO MUCH MORE....LUV BEV

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: THERES........MORE.....

2008-07-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: THERES........MORE.....

REGENERATED

2008-07-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

LIVING IN MY FUTURE NOT VICTIM OF MY PAST HOLDING ONTO FAITH,HOPE AND COURAGE.. AWAKENED PURPOSE -STRONG SPIRITUALITY I COULD CLEARLY SEE. GIVEN ALL THESE GIFTS IN RECOVERY FROM A GREAT FULL HEART......

Christ in Recovery

2008-07-07T07:21:00.000-07:00

I am recovery for eating disorders along with other traumas.At the age of 14 Jesus Christ came on me with the power not ever known to me.It is completely nonhuman,ELECTRIFYING!my WHOLE BEING.That rented the vail between us.I am a jewish Christian.Also in an amazing relationship with him that continues to transform me.I would not trade a single thing about my past.Christ uses all of my history to help others and myself.NOTHING IS WAISTED.My TITLE IS STEPPINGSTONES.......If you read this blog,you are invited to respond. BEV............TURN YOUR TRAUMAS INTO STEPPINGSTONES.......

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: Re: MOURNING INTO MORNING!

2008-07-06T05:58:00.000-07:00

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: Re: MOURNING INTO MORNING!: "Yahoo! My Yahoo! Mail Make Y! your home page
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MOURNING INTO MORNING! Message List
Reply | Forward Message #200 of 200 < Prev | Next >
Re: MOURNING INTO MORNING!

--- In MyEDHelpSupport@yahoogroups.com, 'steppingstones1954'
wrote:
>
> THE LOSSES I HAVE SUFFERED,WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF MY
> HISTORY,APART OF WHAT HAS MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY.GRIEVING MY PAST LEFT
> ME FEELING DEPLETED AND WEAK.I COULD NOT STAY THERE A"

Choices

2008-07-04T07:07:00.001-07:00

There are really only two ways to approach life - as victim or as gallant fighter - and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don't decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you.

Being the victim is, or was, uncomfortably familiar to many of us. Perhaps some of us are only now realizing we have choices, that we need not let life happen to us. Becoming responsible to ourselves, choosing behavior, beliefs, friends, activities, that please us, though unfamiliar at first, soon exhilarates us. The more choices we make, the more alive we feel. The more alive we feel, the healthier our choices.

Our aim is recovery. Recovering means participating fully in our lives. It means self-assessment and self-direction. It means trusting to move forward, step-by-step, choice-by-choice, knowing all the while that no thoughtful action can trouble us.

Many opportunities to make choices will present themselves today. The choices I make will satisfy me; they will move me toward my goal of recovery.

LETS TALK

2008-07-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

HI THERE!WANT TO TALK?I KNOW LIFE COMES AT US IN PERSONAL WAYS...THERE IS ALWAYS SOLUTIONS. STEPPINGSTONES

talk to me

2008-07-02T06:58:00.000-07:00

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: A CHAPTER....

2008-06-20T14:17:00.000-07:00

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: A CHAPTER....

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: Message......of Hope

2008-06-17T03:52:00.000-07:00

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: Message......of Hope

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: Re: life lessons

2008-06-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: Re: life lessons

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: Relationships

2008-06-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: Relationships

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: Stand Up

2008-06-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: Stand Up

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: forgiveness

2008-06-16T07:56:00.000-07:00

MyEDHelpSupport : Message: forgiveness

stand up

2008-05-30T13:14:00.000-07:00

I came to an awareness... In my past..I used to get angry and resentful that my husband would silently not make decisions for any direction in our family.This caused anger,resentment,divisions,disappointment.It turned out that he really did not have the capability to do this.Seeing these behaviors took along time for me to accept...It was not only about him..on my part.I used to be afraid of being responsible for my own life,I choose others to take care of me...save me.The good news is I took control of my life and am respectfully taking responsibility in making decisions for our family...creating the kind of life that brings us joy,peace and a closer relationship.It has given me a voice,empowerment,and a closer relationship with GOD....I am still a beginner at this place in my life,But I Love the results.........steppingstones

Bottom vine

2008-05-26T04:38:00.000-07:00

To add to the bottom reality---untangling a vine.The message was about letting go of others and keeping the focus on my own life.

untangeling a root

2008-05-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

Recovery-one more root to untangle....I am trying to live life on lives terms.in my processes of recovery....I came to a place where I found myself trying to defuse others in my family,especially my explosive son,I used some different communication skills...like how would I like to be talked to,and treated,I listened to what they were saying from the heart,questioned in my head whats really buried underneath they`re outbursts,and what can I do to have peace,respect for each other, I even tried to use recovery therapy on them.How ever they really have not opened the door to recovery themselves. I vacillated- which means (wavering or tending to waver)on thoughts of what to do next,EXPECTING them to see and feel things the way I experience them,not realizing what I was doing....Expectations=disappointments,and out comes my anger issues,even when I held them inside using Denial.A great way for my ED to arise and all my other addictions. It`s NOT worth dying for.....This will take a lot of help and practice.I know with one day at a time,my faith in GOD,GOOD,ORDERLY,DIRECTION and others......RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE....
Another Steppingstone...................BEV

POEM

2008-05-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

One thing I know the sun will rise up Each day my recovery brings about new awareness.... Sometimes a difficult road Getting myself loose from tangled vines and branches To journey onward with God and friends Sometimes enjoying the path...climbing mountains seeing green pastures lots of laughter Fountains of tears exploding in streams of rushing waters caressing over me Smoothing out the fears of a million years I AM HERE...... BEV

2008-05-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

Turn your traumas into steppingstones.You will find purpose,hope,and a future. Being a survivor,in the dictionary means(to continue to live,or inspite of) your traumas.I have learned many lessons,one of which was getting to a place where I could face my fears and use my steppingstones to forgive myself and the perpetrators in my past,that led me to self destructive behaviors.I found out that when I faced my fears and confronted them,being able to forgive the others,I was the one that was set free.The chains of a life time were broken.Some of which were handed down from generation to generation.I found my voice,the silence was broken.It had amazing results in my family members.They started to look inside themselves to see the truth in it.The dynamics of the family changed.Exposing the truth in a productive attitude opened the door for them to recover and for me to work on my own recovery.I also put myself into a safe place ,with intensive therapy to find out what was hidden underneath the pain and entrapments.I experienced an excitement I never knew before-peace,joy,deeper spirituality,from within .I am set free from the chains that bound me.I am not defeated after all..............steppingstones

Blogger: steppingstones - Manage Posts

2008-05-12T07:14:00.000-07:00

Blogger: steppingstones - Manage Posts

steppingstones

2008-05-06T07:34:00.000-07:00

I created blog title steppingstones for a reason.Having a traumatic and very abusive life,due to others,in the time starting at my toddler age and up to my late 30`s,I am now in my middle 50`s.I am a true survivor.I acted out in a lot of various ways to survive the traumas that happened.I thought that way of life was normal,as thats all I knew.I put myself in intensive therapy and began to uncover the truths of what was underneath the abuse,a very long journey of exploration to the depths inside of me.My recovery is still on going,and has allowed me to move to a place of freedom from the chains that bound me.It has opened up a whole new me,with changes of behaviors,attitudes,and healthier choices in relationships,spirituality.I now have purpose,hope and a future,seeing others as significant,important people.You matter.I see that everything that happened in my life mattered.I no longer am a victim of my past,but am a survivor because of it.Nothing in my past is wasted,they are steppingstones to keep moving to the next level in my life.I know there will always be valleys to go through,mountains to climb.By taking ONE STEP AT A TIME............STEPPINGSTONES.......