today

TODAY IV BEEN VERY LOW,WEEPY.I DONT KNOW WHY,IT KEEPS HAPPENING.I AM ON A ROLLER COASTER UP,DOWN---CRAP.MY ISSUES....LAUREN DOESNT CALL OR RESPOND TO OUR ATTEMPTS TO TALK TO HER.I KNOW I CANT OWN JONATHANS AND MY EMOTIONS.I FEEL LIKE IT FEEDS INTO REJECTION AGAIN,THEN HE SAYS SHE NEVER CALLS.AS FOR ME IT IS REJECTION TO ME.I AM NOT GUILTY ANYMORE ABOUT THE JOURNEY WE HAD TOGETHER,EVEN THO I WASNT PRESENT EMOTIONALLY I WAS USING ALCOHOL,DRUGS,MOSTLY BULIMIA.LISA SAYS LET HER COME TO YOU ON HER OWN TIME. OH WELL THATS THAT!ALSO I`M IN ALOT OF PAIN AND WEAKNESS,CONCERNED ABOUT WORK.I KNOW MY LORD JESUS IS ALL+ALL+ALL...I TRUST YOU JESUS AND RELY ON YOU-YOUR WILL.I WILL LEARN ABOUT THIS AND MOVE ONTO MY NEXT STEPPINGSTONE.....I LOVE YOU COMPLETELY,GLAD I TOOK THE TIME TO JOURNEL

GRIEVING

TODAY I WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO HAD JUST LOST HER GRANDFATHER ABD MOTHER.SHE HAS YOUNG CHILDREN AND A JOB.SHE FEELS HOPLESS AND HER ED IS IN CONTROL.NEXT AT WORK ONE OF MY CUSTOMERS WAS CRYING,SHE HAD JUST LOST HER MOTHER.WITH THE LORDS HELP AND HIS HOLY SPIRIT,I WAS ABLE TO SAY...INVITE YOURSELF TO MOURN...THATS WHERE YOU NEED TO BE.i FEEL THAT aRI IS ALSO GRIEVEING HER LOST CHILDHOOD AND ALL THAT IT CONTAINS.IM SO GREATFUL TO HAVE LAURA AS MY SPONSOR,IT FEELS WONDERFUL TO HAVE HER SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE.BYE BEV

sorrow

today I feel sad,angry,fed up stuck.I know i cant control what life brings my way,and i also know that this uncomfort is an internal issue prodding me to get help and find the solution.today i asked Laura to be my sponsor,and she stepped right up to the plate.a sigh of relieve.Feel a little safer...stuck in eating my rice cakes and peanutbutter,salads,fruit,some poultry.I hate the smell and look of meat.I`m willing to try something new tonight.I`m mad at Larry for god knows what.Ineed to see what he is carrying on his shoulders,and listen.I so much want to learn how to talk without me in the way.thats it for now......1st journel.8/26/08